The Fridge Door Society
An exclusive society made up entirely of winners. There are no participation badges here.
MEMBER #1: Joel. Winner of the James and Oscar Caption Contest.
They were hapless victims. Their father couldn’t imagine the horror that would unfold once he left. James was counting cards since he was nine months old, Oscar was a language savant, and together they were an intractable force of genius. But their intelligence had proven to be futile against the childproof construction of their highchairs. From their plastic perches, they would be carefully pointed towards the torture box and left at their mother’s side for an hour of infernal suffering, as she gazed on in blithe fascination. They could close their eyes and scream but that would only encourage an increase in volume until their voices were hoarse and the unceasing descant prevailed. They would never win. This wasn’t a domestic affair; they were up against the collective power of nearly every mother in North America. It was an alliance, so vast and so loyal that the only remaining hope for humankind was to take out the chief of the tribe: Oprah.
MEMBER #2: Dale. Winner of the Artwork Naming Contest
Scattered Rainbow
MEMBER #3 Theresa. Winner of the Life Advice Contest.
“Every good meal starts with sauteed onions.”
mumologic 
Does the winner get taped to a fridge door beside the collage made of torn up Women’s Day magazines, macaroni and gold spray paint?
if you’re speaking of the proverbial fridge, then yes.
You should purchase fridge door trophies to give to the winners. I once saw a trophy figurine of a woman in a knee-length skirt and blouse aiming a shotgun. There HAS to be a fridge door one somewhere.
Claire: Wow what an hilarious blog…I feel your pain as I have set my hair on fire not once but twice..I am much older than even Brian! Or maybe I am just a slow learner, you’d think once would be enough. I still play with fire, I just have short hair now! Peace and love Teresa
Theresa, setting one’s hair on fire (and living to tell about it) is simply sign of one’s proclivity toward unexpected adventure. And I do believe that once is never enough.