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Dear Cheerios,

March 31, 2009
tags: ,

I know that you might have a few expectations now that you’ve left your grocery store shelf to reside in our pantry. You probably anticipate a primary role as breakfast and occasionally as a contributor to a fun party mix. But I think it’s important that we are straightforward with each other. Cheerios, instead of being ingested, you will find yourself redistributed throughout the most unlikely corners of our house. Oh sure, a few from your batch will make it into James’ mouth, but even those will end up cemented to the inside of his sleeve. So I apologize Cheerios. You reasonably assumed a dignified end and I know this whole scenario insults the purpose for which you were made. Believe me, I try to uphold that purpose. But I fail – almost invariably. If it’s any consolation, you will not be alone underneath the couch cushions.

with regret,


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