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Whining and also Infinite Wisdom

October 14, 2009

My brother Brian, the one who gave us such a *realistic* look at newborns, sent J.D. this birthday email yesterday. Heed his words, people.

25 was so long ago. Here is some advice from someone who’ll be turning 31 in a couple of days.

1. Get in the habit of not eating snacks. 28 is about the year your metabolism decides it’s time to retire. I would have loved to have known this and have had a couple years to practice not eating snacks. Doritos do not “just go away”.

2. If you look in the mirror and think ‘hot damn I’m looking fine’, savour it. Hold on to it. Feed of off it. Let it power you through the day. After 30, looking in the mirror will not power you through the day. In fact, it actually begins to determine how your day will go.

3. It’s never too late to un-tuck. You’ll fight the temptation to tuck daily. Sometimes give in to it thinking maturity is a price we must all pay. However you must remember, looking like a well put together marshmallow on a campfire stick will not gain you the respect and admiration of your peers or your children. It’s much better to look like a hip-ish popsicle.

4. Never sit down. As you age it gets harder to get up. As far as I can tell there will come a time when you’ll sit down and never get up again. And I’m guessing this happens just minutes before you discover you’ve lost the remote.

5. Everything gets harder. More and more days will feel like a final exam on 3 hours sleep. Sometimes with an air-raid siren/baby wailing in your ear. The tendency will be to blame the world. Blame it. Blame it with all your heart, mind and soul. Blaming say… your wife has severe and sometimes epic consequences.

All this might seem a little negative, but there is a great joy that comes with aging: Telling those younger than you exactly what to expect. You can whine and sound infinitely wise simultaneously… and that, my friend, is something to look forward to.

Have a joyous Birthday JD!


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