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The Unforgiving Perspective of My Uterus

November 10, 2010

James is having one of his rare naps – a nap that only happens when I decide that I need a nap. It means that I must decide that the hour that begins with screaming attempts to escape followed by teary pleading followed by restless flopping and poking, followed by the insertion of toothpicks between his eye lids, finally followed by a resentful unconsciousness is worth the forty-five minutes to an hour that he will actually sleep. I use the first thirty minutes to power nap and the last however many minutes to put a fork in the dishwasher. Or write a blog post. Whatever seems more urgent.

I am thirty six weeks now, scheduled for an induction two weeks from today. I talked to my doctor yesterday about my awful induction experience with James and it turns out that in Vancouver (where James was born), their induction practices are much more “aggressive.” Meaning that they basically blast you with with Oxytocin until your uterus says Uncle and lets the kid out. Except my uterus did not say Uncle. After 10 hours under fire, it was like, “here, I’ll give you 3 centimeters you greedy bastards but that is it.” So then Vancouver was like, “fine Uterus, does the word scalpel mean anything to you?” And so they drilled an epidural hole into my spine. (J.D. does not believe me when I tell him that was not the worst part of my labor) Then Uterus was like, “Oh! Well this is very nice, mmhmm, sure you can have the baby. Here, I’ll send him out with cupcakes! La la la la la.” And there was James.

And a flood of hormones that made me forget that induction should be a four letter word.

But my uterus did not forget. As soon as that epidural wore off it started launching lemon sized blood balls at the Vancouver medical staff. And they retaliated by inviting a male doctor along with his hesitant intern to literally beat Uterus with sticks until I vomited and my baby was removed from me and I was taken downstairs to intensive care. Did I mention they also waited to do this until my husband had left to do errands? And that he had to go looking for a nurse to tell him where his wife and child had gone? Needless to say, Uterus was not at all pleased. (This brief account of James’ birth is told from the unforgiving perspective my uterus. Of course there were many fantastic nurses and doctors that made the bad parts not so bad)

Anyhow, they apparently play a little nicer up here in the Yukon. But I am still desperately hoping that Uterus opens the gates on her own.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. bakerjac permalink
    November 10, 2010 5:47 pm

    ACK! Please let Uterus know that she has made me almost grateful to be awaiting a c-section instead of an induction! I’ll pray this one goes much, MUCH better – or that it doesn’t have to happen at all.

  2. Theresa permalink
    November 11, 2010 2:59 pm

    Claire, I will pray that baby decides to arrive before said induction. Please Lord, no induction. I didn’t know that lemon ball story. Yikes!

  3. Asheya permalink
    November 15, 2010 3:52 pm

    I’m thinking of you, and hoping that you get the support you need. Christina’s number is 456-2062 (did I give it to you already?).

    It’s tough when the interventions that are supposed to help you and your baby make the whole process very hard. Hugs.

  4. elena permalink
    November 16, 2010 6:55 am

    drink raspberry leaf tea – it does help to prime the pump/uterus. then, ask the doc for cervidil – it is so much gentler than the other inductions. plus, it worked wonderfully for isaac. i will pray.

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